High Octane Wrestling returned to the airwaves last night, with a huge edition of Thursday Night Turmoil. But if there was one things the High Octane Fans were most eagerly anticipating, it was the full return of The God of HOW, himself, Lee Best....
....and boy, did he get a reception.
Here's what happened when, accompanied by Max Kael and Simon Sparrow, the man himself took centre stage and decided to make all of his feelings known:
We cut backstage and as we do the feed opens up live inside what was formerly the office of the now deceased Mike Best…who took it over from the very man who is sitting behind a very large mahogany desk right now….
Lee Best.
As the camera zooms into the now smiling face of Lee Best we can see the smile turn into a smirk as the camera now slowly zooms out and we see that Lee is not alone. On his left side of his desk is another desk..not quite as large or as impressive as Lee’s desk…we see none other than HOW General Manager Simon Sparrow who tonight takes on Scottywood in a Semi Final match in the Lee Best Invitational.
Now the camera pans a little more to the left and it slowly zooms in and we see yet another desk to the left of Lee and Sparrow…this desk quite small and is literally a desk a 1st grader would sit in while at school……and sitting in this desk is none other than Louis.
All three men are dressed impeccably and each has a microphone in front of them on their respectable desks.
We then see Lee point slyly to his right and the cameraman quickly jerks to the right of Lee and we see not a desk….not even a chair…the image starts at the ground up where we see blades of grass and as the camera slowly pans up we see that it is the Emperor of HOW..Maximillian Kael..who is literally standing on a 2 x 2 square of grass from the outside grounds.
Right before the camera pans back to Lee we see another person in the room…and he is currently spraying weed killer on the small grass plot……Jethrol…Max’s personal janitor.
Finally the camera pans back to center and is focused in on Lee as he clears his throat, leans forward and begins his address.
Lee Best: Ladies and Gentlemen I want to first address the untimely death of my brother Mike Best who died after sucking the AIDS out of John Pariah’s cock……..I do not want to get into any more specifics bout his death…I mean who the hell wants to hear about how the amount of sperm in his windpipe literally caused him to suffocate as Pariah imagined he was playing paddie cake again with his dad….I mean no one wants to hear that right?
Lee looks to his left to Simon who shakes his head no while Louie is seen wiping a tear. Best then turns to the right and Max is seen yelling at his janitor to get the insecticide off of his shoes.
Lee can only shake his head as he continues…
Lee Best: But enough about my family…I gave up my family for Lent this year…soooo moving on. Folks tonight I am back fully and after months of watching the very company I built turn into a fucking bad afterschool special it is time to bring back a little edge to the programming….a little….crazy dare I say?
Lee looks to Max who again isn’t paying attention as the janitor is now literally raking the small plot of grass and is continually hitting Max’s ankle with the rake.
Lee Best: Um…..Geritol? Put the fucking rake down please?
Jethrol looks up at Lee and nods and pulls the rake up to his side and with another shake of the head Lee continues.
Lee Best: Tonight the finalists for MY INVITATIONAL will be decided and I for one have no doubts in my mind that the two men flanking me will be there at the end but what I do not know is who will be the third…and before I waste all my ammo on those two assfucks right now let me tell you all how this is going to go down. EVERY HOW Roster member will walk thru that door, stop right there on that pretty little X on the ground and listen as me, my general manager, and Emperor tell them what we think of them….call this a little roster review…..Simon….Max….you ready?
Both men nod as Lee motions for an unseen worker to open the door and allow the first wrestler to come thru…
The crowd watching all this go down inside the arena on the huge High Octane Vision screen can be heard cheering as LSD Champion and HOW Hall of Famer Chris Kostoff makes his way into the room and stomps his big ass to the X and stops.
Lee Best: Ah…couldn’t of picked a better person to kick off this review. First off Chris…you cannot fucking talk or your fired and tell the rest of fuckstains that if they talk they are fired.
Kostoff just smiles as he has played this game with Lee before.
Lee Best: Ok good..now that we got that established, hows that whore of a wife of yours? She hasn’t been sharing cocks with Mike has she….I mean I know a good doctor but once you suck the AIDS out of a cock it’s all downhill you know?
The cameras show Max and Sparrow nodding in agreement as Louis again wipes a tear and motions to the heavens to show love for all those that have fallen to this terrible death before.
Lee Best: In all seriousness though Kostoff….she didn’t did she? Nah I am kidding of course..the only thing that is going to kill Barbi is the amount of asbestos on your cock, but again I digress. Kostoff you are a legend and there is no doubt about it. But if you want to continue to move up the ranks you need to at least change up your style and at some fucking point..oooooh I don’t know….maybe evolve your fucking…quote unquote….character? You just can’t be the smash mouth man pleaser smashing son of a bitch all the fucking time….quit resting on your past fucking laurels and make someone RESPECT WHAT YOU ARE FUCKING DOING NOW!!!
Max and Simon again nod in agreement and Lee looks to Simon for his thoughts but instead Louis interjects..
“CUT YOUR HAIR YOU FUCKING SPICOLI WANNABE…..FAGGOT”
Simon looks at Louis and puts his hand over the little mans mic as Lee chuckles as he turns to Max for his review on Kostoff.
Lee Best: Remember Max…keep it short…
The cameras zoom in on the Emperor who straightens his jacket…then slowly reaches into the inside pocket and quickly pulls his hand out and points it at Kostoff as if he had a gun in his hand….
“Dead”
Now is it Kostoff who is seen smirking as Kael blows the smoke from his index finger.
Lee Best: Alrighty then…..NEXT?
Kostoff fakes a rush at Max who immediately grabs the janitor and places him between himself and his fellow Hall of Famer, who just smiles and walks out door….damn near ripping it off the hinges.
The camera stays focused on the door as we see none other than Christopher America walk in and slowly make his way to the X….clearly dejected.
Lee Best: Ah the great American loser…obviously you cannot say a word or your fired ….and I really have no desire to spend time on you so let me just officially say that I wouldn’t give two shits if you gave up and cried and went home and played World of Warcraft in your bathroom for the rest of your life cause you feel “bad” that you lost to Scottywood last week…..aren’t you his slave or something like that? Nevermind….please just quit….that’s my review…Simon?
Sparrow leans forward and just as he is about to say a word Louis again interrupts..
“RED WHITE AND FAG…”
As Sparrow continues to reprimand Louis, Lee turns to Max who now has his janitor holding an umbrella over his head.
Lee Best: Max?
“French”
Lee smiles as America looks directly at Max with hatred in his eyes but the rest of his face resembles a man that is defeated.
Lee Best: Ok Frenchy ….get the fuck out of here …..NEXT!
America exits and as he does he bumps into Static who rushes into the room and stands on the X and is about to say something but then remembers that he can’t. He does the universal sign for wanting a title belt.
Lee Best: Ya ya ya…you want the LSD title Belt but you lost your first match to Legend..so quit giving me that shit you fucking piece of shit. How am I supposed to go out of my way for a fucking Douchebag that ripped on me when I was sitting in jail for crimes I didn’t commit? In my eyes Static the only way you will ever get a title shot is if the rest of the fucking company refuses a title shot and you are the last guy available for the PPV….cause god knows I am not losing money at a PPV….so ya…your annoying…you’re a pain in my ass….but you sure as fuck aren’t going to get a LSD Title shot just cause simply you talk about it….Simon you gonna ….Simon?
The camera pans over to Simon who is literally going back and forth with Louis and all we can hear is FUCK and STAIN over and over again…
Lee Best: Max?
The camera pans quickly to Kael who starts to speak but his janitor turns on a leaf blower and quickly drowns out all noise as he is focused on the 2 x 2 foot of grass Max is standing on…
Lee stands up and walks over and slaps the shit outta the janitor who quickly loses his balance and shuts off the leaf blower before saying motioning that he is sorry.
Shaking his head Lee walks back over and sits down…….
Lee Best: Ok thanks for that input there Max….NEXT!
As Simon and Louis continue to argue, the cameras watch the door for the next person and it is Griffin Faze.
Lee Best: Ah there’s my favorite Jack off material.....McGriff the JOB Dog..……NEXT!
Griffin is confused but is led out the door as Aceldama is led in.
Sparrow and Louis quickly quit fighting and focus in on the former World Champion as does Kael while his janitor is off plugging something else into the nearby outlet.
Lee Best: Ah yes the man that tried to take me down…who was ready to sell me down the river and the man who thought he could run shit while I was gone…well guess what motherfucker…you aren’t shit…you are over rated…you couldn’t even beat a vagina….and you will never get another shot at that fucking title you piece of non American shit….YOU DON’T LIKE AMERICA..DONT FUCKING WORK IN AMERICA…
Aceldama is dying to say something but he keeps his cool as Sparrow literally stands up and looks Ace directly in the eye and just smiles and motions to Lee that he doesn’t want to speak on Aceldama at this time.
Lee Best: Max….what the fuck??
Lee turns towards Max and we see Max jumping up and down as the janitor is now weedwacking the 2 x 2 square of grass that Kael refuses to get off of because he is Emperor there….no matter the amount of pain.
Lee jumps to his feet and the janitor sees this and stops immediately and can only shrug as Lee sits back down as we see Max rubbing his ankles in pain.
Lee Best: Aceldama I have one word for you and your shitty named Stable…..BACK THE FUCK UP…OR GET SMACKED THE FUCK UP….NEXT…START SENDING THEM IN FIVE AT A TIME!!
As Aceldama exits we see the next five wrestlers come thru the door…Mark O’Neal, Marcus Reinhardt, Kirsta Lewis, Ethan Cavanaugh and Dawn McGill.
Lee Best: Ah we got two people dancing at the PPV and we got a black man surrounded by white women….put them together and they might weigh enough that Ethan might want to fuck you two….but I digress …..anyway…you five are close to the next level and Mark all you need to do is get the rust off while Reinhardt, Kirsta , and McGill just need to prove that they have staying power while Big Dick Easy E just needs to win tonight against that jack off material McGriff the Job Dog to advance to the finals and prove you belong…but until then boys and girls…GET THE FUCK OUT…….AND ACTUALLY TELL THE REST TO LEAVE…….SEND SCOTTYWOOD IN…..HES THE LAST MOTHERFUCKER!!!! NEXT!!!
The five HOW superstars exit and we see Cavanaugh push out his pelvic bone as McGill and Lewis walk by…..the Shadow just winks back at Lee as he exits and we see Scottywood enter the room by himself.
Lee Best: Ah Scotty boy….think you can stand for awhile or should I put a Hello Kitty potty training toilet down on the X so you are more comfortable…
“POTTY FAG”
Lee looks at Louis and then at Simon as if to ask Simon to control the little man.
Lee Best: Max you got anything to say before I verbally rape this mofo?
The camera turns to Max who is ignoring his janitor as Jethrol is literally watering the grass..soaking the lower extremities of Kael as he talks.
Max Kael: Bed Wetter
Lee waits for more but there isn’t any more from the Emperor.
Lee Best: Ok Scottywood here is the deal….
Lee looks over his desk and finds the paper he is looking for and brings it up and begins to read…
Lee Best: It says here Scott Woodson has run up a debt of $1.2 million on the HOW Credit Card and..
Max Kael: Ring…he owes $34.95 for the ring he torched….Bed Wetter…
“FAG”…Louis couldn’t resist as Lee just shakes his head at the people he is surrounded by.
Lee Best: Ok Scotty…you owe High Octane Wrestling, $1,200, 034.95…how in the fuck you gonna pay me back…….cause I am telling you right now..if you don’t pay me by THE END OF THE FUCKING NIGHT..YOU AND THAT POT SMOKING PIECE OF SHIT CANCER ARE FIRED….YES FIRED!!
“POT AND POTTYWOOD”
This time we see Simon has had enough as he rips the microphone off the desk of Louis and throws it across the room.
Lee Best: About fucking time Jatt….err.Simon…sorry….back to you Scotty….how you going to pay..and yes you can talk….
Scottywood: Well I don’t have that kind of money and quite frankly..
Lee Best: Quite frankly you are fired then…..
Scottywood: Wait…I can come up with something…
Lee Best: You better..in fact I don’t give a FUCK WHAT YOU DO…shit have another Carey-A-Thon and steal the money and give it to me…I don’t give a fuck…but by the end of Turmoil you better have my cash or you are fired…got it…and no you cannot answer.
Scotty starts to speak but stops and just nods and turns and quickly exits the room.
Lee Best: Ok good..that shit is over with and went entirely too long…thank god I own HOTv and we can go over tonight….Simon….you want to tell Max or should I?
Simon Sparrow: Lee I just want to say that..
Lee Best: Ok I will just tell him..
Simon looks dejected as Lee turns towards Max who is literally has tears running down his face..
Lee Best: What the fuck is wrong with you? You got a hard on for the Pottywood?
Max cannot answer as he just points to the ground and as Lee and Simon look the camera follows suite and we see Jethrol throwing salt on the now wet grass..obviously not wanting Max to slip if the water would happen to freeze in the next few seconds.
Lee Best: Max…seriously….just step off the fucking grass?
Max just shakes his head no and hugs himself as Lee is in disbelief as Simon is laughing.
Lee Best: Well Max you need to get your shit together as your match with Kostoff tonight is now a Lumberjack match and me and Simon have cooked a special entrance …fit for an Emperor in fact….for your match tonight.
Max just gives the men a thumbs up as they, along with Louis, sidestep past Max and his janitor and the scene fades to commercial as the door shuts and the final image we see is of the salt literally entering the open wounds on Kael’s ankles caused from the weedwacker as blood trickles into the grass...
And in other results and highlights:
- With debts to be paid, an All-American Superstar was put up for auction.
- Vince Jones picked up his second consecutive victory by defeating Elix Michaels.
- Christopher America's dog, The General, was witnessed at the mercy of an Mplowsian terrorist.
- A Battle of the Bitches erupted as newcomer, Carmen Jennings, threw down a challenge.
- The Axis of Power gained valued momentum towards their upcoming tag-team title match with a win over Extreme Kaos....
- ...Before making them the most recent victims of Aceldama's Der Austand faction.
- 'Romance' was well and truly in the air as footage from Bobbinette and Mario's honeymoon was shown.
- A War Games captain was unveiled.
- And the three finalists of The Best Invitational were revealed as Ethan Cavanaugh, Maximillian Kael, and Scottywood each overcame Griffin Faze, Chris Kostoff, and Simon Sparrow, respectively.
With all of this and lots, lots more besides, be sure to catch Turmoil in full, while you still can, airing via repeats all week....Only on High Octane Television.